My Symptoms

So since 2000 my MS I must say it has been relatively calm.  I have never been hospitalized nor have I ever really felt scared.  That doesn't mean I haven't had issues.

What started as numbness and tingling in my hands and arms, soon expanded into L'hermitte's sign.  This is when you look down and an electrical current shoots through your body and every time it happened, it would present in a different part of my body. It has shot down my leg, out the end of my elbow, but my favorite was when I looked down one time and it felt like someone was grabbing me around the waist.  It was kinda creepy.

Then it was a little more than uncomfortable when I started having "issues" with my bladder.  It felt like I had to go non-stop! It was like I had a bladder infection all the time!  Just in case you ever experience this and there is no infection, take Ativan.  It relaxes it enough to sleep through the night.  THEN I got retention which means I couldn't go!  Scary especially knowing my grandmother who had MS had to self-catheterize for years.  There was no way in HELL I was going to do that at 30 years of age!  So believe it or not, I discovered the more water I drank, the more pressure I had to go , and the less likely it would cause infections.  I have been years without issue now because of this. 

I have learned that shoving your numb appendage in the freezer reduces the tingling and that air conditioning is my new best friend.  My symptoms have moved all over my body but I am lucky to have never experienced paralysis nor vision issues. 

I have however started to experience cognitive issues where words escape me and I find people finishing my sentence for me all the time.  I grew up with a brother who was "quick" when it came to smart ass comments and making jokes.  I, however, have trouble finding the word "cat'.  What used to be a passion of mine when I was younger, now driving is something I do when I feel confident enough to do so.  My neurologist thinks it isn't MS but a migraine in my neck that has been causing pressure and the best way to describe it, is that I feel off when I drive.....not clear headed.  Sometimes I wonder if it's anxiety.  Either way, I am beginning to feel like I am losing my independence.  I hate having to depend on my husband to do all the driving in the city....he thinks its just me being nervous.  I can't honestly say what it is.  All I know is that every day I feel more and more like giving him space to just live a normal life.  I feel like I am holding him back from a life that could be exciting and everything he deserves. I feel like I am robbing him of a normal marriage one where the wife can help him as much as he helps her. 

I guess this is where it leads into the most difficult part of this illness.  While for the most part I put a smile on my face and push through everyday, the depression is becoming more and more difficult to deal with.  Realization is hitting that I might not be able to keep up with what I have in the past.  My husband is gone alot for work and I have no family in town.  Sure I have friends but have never been the one to ask for help....EVER.  In fact my daughter is 14 and I am going on my first vacation without her coming up only because she is going on a school trip at the same time.  I guess I am just getting my thoughts out there and hopefully will be able to find others with similar issues.

By writing this, I am hoping to find out what is "normal" and what is MS.  =)